Werewigs are evil and smell.

It is a mystery how a werewolf managed to bite and infect an earwig, some say that the were gene was genetically spliced with that of an earwig – others believe it was the earwig itself that actually bit the werewolf. All of these theories have validity, but the fact that all earwigs are boys and procreate by cloning tends to back the genetic hypothesis.

Shooting them with silver bullets is almost impossible, the best advice is not to wear open toed sandals.

You can spot them as they are hairier than ordinary earwigs, who are also evil as they scuttle into your ear and take 7 years to eat through your brain which is fatal.

As you would expect they only ‘turn’ during a full moon but are mortally afraid of Unicorns and shooting stars.

Earwigs, in general, are jealous of the woodlice – not only for their ability to roll into a ball, but because they are cute and generally good natured.

In short werewigs should be avoided at all costs, but to be on the safe side wearing my new silver werewig protection jewellery is the only way you can be sure of being left alone by these marauding mutant insects.

Each werewig is hand cut, no two will be alike.